Saturday, July 10, 2010

A Child's Heart

I have a boy. A fun loving, fart under your arm, likes gross jokes boy.

Tonight, I learned more about my boy. He has a large heart and I am afraid it will be broken.

He finished kindergarten this year. He made some friends. There are some 'friends' he doesn't really like. It makes me happy that he knows he doesn't have to like everyone but he has to be kind to everyone. I don't think he has made his 'best' friend yet. I am hoping in first grade he will find one 'really good' friend, if not a 'best' one.

Though, in kindergarten I am most certain that he found his first crush, if not love. There was a little girl in his class named Katie. Whenever I saw Katie she was very cute, a sweet looking girl. When I would ask Jack how his days were or if he played with anyone special he would blush when he said Katie's name. You could tell her really liked playing with her. He had that look. He didn't mention her name often but enough that I knew how he felt.  Katie moved half-way through the year. He didn't seem too upset about it then. He said he hoped he would see her again.

Tonight as Jack and I layed talking on my bed in the dark after he did his reading we started talking about when he grows up. I told him he would find a wonderful person to marry. He said he didn't want a wife who yelled at him (he doesn't like yelling- MY boy). Then he started to get upset. He started crying. He said that he really liked Katie and missed her. He hid his head underneath the pillow. I told him it was nothing to be ashamed about. That if he missed her it was ok. He told me that he didn't think he would ever see her again. I tried to reassure him, as much as you can reassure a 6 year old.

Then... He told me that it hurt. His heart hurt and it felt like it was going to break. My heart broke at that moment. My baby was feeling emotions that I don't think he should have to feel at this age. I want him to be sweet and innocent. Now in normal life he says kissing is gross and girls are his friends. But some nights when we talk, he has mentioned Katie and gotten sad. He has never cried before tonight. I told him how me and his dad didn't know each other until we meet in college. It didn't seem to help. My baby is heart broken because of a girl.

The best part of it, is I know he is going to be a man who loves. I want him to grow up to be a sweet, kind man. One who opens the doors for women and children. I want him to want to work hard to provide for his family. I want him, when it is time to pick a woman to be his wife, to choose one not because she is the flavor of the month but because he knows his heart will hurt if he doesn't marry her. I am so thankful that my baby had the ability to love someone. I hope he doesn't get hurt too much along the way.